Right or wrong. Do I protect his reputation? Do I pretend that what he did was insignificant and that today is a new day and he is a different man? Do I not tell people of the horror filled life that I lived for 4+ years? Do I portray him as just someone who I didn't see eye to eye with and now we are not together? Does he deserve that good of treatment? Does he deserve that at all?
Many people know we are in a custody battle and that we are no longer together. Some people just think that we are opposites. Some people think that he may have gone too far, but who doesn't at times? Other people think that I have made events up about what happened. I go around, not saying anything to anyone beyond my inner walls, protecting his reputation. Why?
The answer is clear. My children. I don't want my children growing up having everyone thinking their father is a monster. (they will come to that realization themself). I can't have people say bad things about their father around my children. I need to have them grow up in a world where they don't have to worry about these things. But am I really protecting them? What am I really protecting them from?
Their father's supervised visits are about to end. This man, who once leaned in front of his 4 year old son, and yelled in his face that he was "nothing but a brat." This supposed dad, who stood in front of the table where the car seat was sitting, with the one month old baby, yelling obsenities and derogatory words at the top of his lungs trying to get the baby to stop crying. This is the man that picked up his four year old son and threw him on to the bed and left red markings on his own son's chest. Am I really protecting them? Again, what am I doing?
I have kept a lot of the information from the world. I have kept them from knowing the truths about what he was, what he is. Am I knowingly putting my children at risk for abuse? What could I do? I could blast all of the information far and wide to the ends of the earth, letting everyone know what a monster he is. But would that do any good?
He has so many people fooled. He has them thinking that he is the model dad (of course he doesn't tell those people that he hasn't paid a drop of financial support for his kids in the last year). He has them thinking that he would never harm a hair on the heads of these children. So would they believe me anyway? Would they believe me if I told them of the dangers of him being with them alone for any lengths of time?
I don't think they would. I don't think they would think twice about it. Because no one wants to think that some one close to them is capable of harming a child or being an abusive partner. It has to be the abused partner that is making it all up for their gain. Who would want to think that their son, boyfriend, nephew is an abusive person, or worse, parent.
the funny thing is... they have already seen it. They have already seen him use the children against them. They have already seen him unleash his verbal anger on them. They have already been subjected to his silent treatment and avoidance. But they get to leave him alone for a few weeks for it to pass by. They can stay away from him and pretend that it didn't happen or that it is just a phase that will pass. They don't want to believe.
So why push it. I can't protect my kids from being physically or verbally hurt by their father. If he is going to do it, I have done what I can, but I can't stop it from happening. What I can do is support the relationship that they do have with him, and then pick up the pieces when the relationship falls apart. I can be there to help them through the abuse, help them through the false promises, and the emotional neglect.
There is no good that will come to my children by me voicing all of the abuse he has put us through. No one wants to hear it anyway. There is however good that can come from selective silence. My children can hopefully grow up in a protective and supportive environment where they think their dad is a model dad and that he loves them. When they realize the truth, I will help them through it.
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