Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Am I Making a Mistake

Do you ever wonder why you do the things that you do?  Especially when it comes to your children.  I am questioning myself right now.

My children and I were exposed to domestic violence at the hands/words of their father.  After a year of being separated we are still not through the court system, yet an end is close in sight.  A court trial was likely but I backed out of it because of the money.  Money.  Does the money mean more than the safety of my kids?  Or am I cutting my losses and making a deal on a proposal that still protects the kids for the most part.  Is for the most part, enough?

Their father is a verbal and emotional abuser.  He has been called a narcissist.  He is shallow and thinks of no one but himself.  He has been on supervised visits for the last year and the supervision is about to end.  I am agreeing to that.  I am agreeing to letting my children be alone with someone that is unpredictable and destructive.  He will only be seeing them twice a week.  Week one will be for six hours and week two will be for 13 hours. 

What is further is that with the supervision dropping, I am going to have to transition the children directly with him.  No more shelter from transitioning through a supervisor.  Now we will be in public and I will once again be at his mercy.

I have grown in the last year.  I am more confident and sure of myself.  I KNOW that I did the right thing.  I suppose I will always have the doubt in my mind that there was something more I should have done.

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